The state of Being

BEING. It fascinates me. That I can just BE, by myself. Just like that. Grounded, earthed, regulated, completely at peace. Alive! And the more I BE, the more I want to BE.

As I delve into this state of being with my analytical mind it is taking me on a such a trip! It’s brilliant!

This state I’ve found myself in, by chance, over the last 2 years. Discovered. That I somehow stumbled upon as I ricocheted through, or rather out of, the dark night of the soul.

Being.

The freedom of it.
The peace of it.
The joy of it.
The presence of it.
The spaciousness of it.
The expansion of it
The aliveness of it.

So alive!

I’m fascinated how the more I BE the less I desire to HAVE. In fact, in the being the having becomes utterly irrelevant and meaningless.

What is this being? An experience that takes me to the depth of myself. Connected to self. Of living! A realness beyond existing. A fullness to my soul. A oneness. A connectedness to God. To truth. To trust. To faith. Surrendered and fully present. This is being. For me.

The being contrasted by HAVING. In my humanness I want to have my home. My job. My things. Mine! Having. I can hold it. It’s tangible in a solid sense. And as I write it and it feels so ick. Selfish. Yet it’s true. There’s a comfort in it, a security in it. A false comfort, a false security. A grasp for certainty. The familiar. To know. A false knowing. For nothing is certain.

Yet, to walk into nature, days on end, weeks. Nothing but my pack on my back and a few meagre things for survival. My shelter. Some food. Some water. Big trust. Boom! BEING! My soul rejecting the having, the familiarity, the comfort, the security. For the expansive feeling of being is so wonderful. Free. So free. Attachment to having released. Attachment to things let go.

To drive off in my van with no plan and just see where the road takes me. To trust and allow the adventure to unfold. Boom. BEING!

To travel to an unknown country with no interary, no agenda. To simply take flight and trust the way will appear. Boom. BEING!

To create and allow something new unfold. To let it flow and trust its movement towards something greater. Boom. BEING!

Even to find my place in being within each day as I connect to the earth and the presence of God. Boom. BEING! The getting, the having, achieving. Meaningless. The trap of it brought into my consciousness. And when I’m there, I never want to leave the being.

Then, again, I return and find myself in my humanness again. The being gets lost for a moment in place of the doing, getting, working, mothering.

Or does it?

Perhaps not completely. For my heart and soul know it now. Being is becoming the default. My self as the observer. Seeing the change in me as being is being programmed into my subconscious. Reorientated to a new state of inner activity. Of aliveness.

And now, it never stops calling me. Calling to step into silence, to prayer, to solitude, into nature, to the mountains, into creating, to serving. Calling me through fear and towards the mystery and the unknown because this is where I find it.

So, why oh why is being so sweet?
Ahhh, I see it as I write. I see how absolute presence, trust and surrender are present in places I find it and the answer arrives. Because when I am being I am one with my faith. My highest value. I am embodied by it. Saturated and surrendered to it.

All of my being trusting and attuning to God’s voice, his will, his way, his plan, his call, his purpose.

Boom.

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