The key to healing

Sit in the discomfort.

Just stay there. Don’t try to escape it.

Let it alchemize you. Let it teach you.

Face it. Find the medicine in it.

Let your addictions fall away…

I say addictions perhaps you think drugs, alcohol. When I say addictions, I mean anything you use to escape. To disconnect. To distract. To fill the gap. To not feel. To not hear what your soul is asking of you.

Choose your poison… Drugs, alcohol, Netflix, scrolling Instagram/Facebook, work, your phone, business, sex, dating, porn, studying, partying, socialising, serving, being busy. ‘Good’ things, ‘bad’ things – are you an addict?

Do you see?

Watch yourself. Pause. Before you take a step towards that thing. What’s that feeling right there that you want to get away from. Your nervous system firing – pushing you to the familiar, your distraction, your addiction. Pushing you to find comfort. Pushing you to fill the space, the void. Arresting your growth.

Let the addiction fall away.

Pause. Look closer, what lives in what it covers. What is it the medicine for.

Stay there. Just stay a bit longer in the discomfort.

The last time I became single I made a conscious choice to remain that way. To short-circuit my patterns and face it all – to enter my dark night of the soul. This was the first time in 24 years, I was not relating to a man at a romantic level. Dead set. The first time in that freaking long. I was married for 15 years and the minute I ended that I filled nearly every spare evening with a date, until I found myself in another relationship, situationship… Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

STOP!

Enough!!

I remember it. Sitting on the couch as the weeks became months. Alone. The supreme discomfort of it. A kind of agitation. A restlessness. Knowing I had to stay here. Not distract. Not fill the void. Just be there and sit in it. Feel it. Let it alchemise me. Cook me. Change me. This is what I had committed to do – to actually allow my brain short-circuit and rewire all those old patterns that were not serving me.

I got to choose a different path. To honor my commitment to myself for sake of the bigger picture. For the sake of a better future. For the sake of my soul, my heart. For the sake of the magical, magnificent great love I desire. For the sake of the man, my soul-match, my future husband, who awaits me.

My nervous system freaking out. Pushing me to go out, to seek the comforting validation of men that it knew so well. Temptation. There was no data available for being alone. No information available within me on how to just be myself without filling that space.

But in time, it fell away. And in its space I allowed myself to feel. The pain. The grief. The guilt. The shame. Face it, feel it, release it.

In its space I expanded.

In its space I began to awaken to the truth of myself. In the space I became more ME than ever!

In its space came a freedom. Wild freedom. Liberation! An aliveness. A bliss.

And now, here I am. Two years down the track. Two years consciously single and loving life. Short circuit complete.

You’ll be fine. Get used to the unknown. To change. To discomfort.

Stay with it. Just a few minutes longer than you have before. Face it, feel it, release it and expand.

It’s your choice.

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